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Two DubaiLamas in Cappadochia

We flew to Istanbul on Pegasus airlines and landed at Sabiha Gökçen International Airport at 8 am. Perfect timing to spend an entire day in the Asian side of that beautiful city before boarding our next Pegasus flight at 21:30 to Nevsehir airport, Cappadochia. The duration of the flight is hardly 55 minutes. The airport is a mere 30 minutes on the shuttle to our hotel in Çavuşin. 

While in Istanbul, we took a Havaş bus from Sabiha Gökçen International Airport to Kadikoy (9 liras each ticket). We were dropped off by the pier. A Perfect location.

We roamed Kadikoy all day, ate borek and simit, drank Turkish tea and coffee at open cafes, devoured loads of Turkish delight and kunaifeh, walked by the pier, sat at a fish restaurant and enjoyed our grilled fish with raki and Turkish mezze. We had a list of places to see in the Asian side of Istanbul which I had copied from this blog:

But being me, I couldn’t find most of them!

Back to the ariprot: we couldn’t find the Havaş bus, although the stop by the pier and there’s a bus to an from he airport every 30 minutes. Instead, we took the E11 city bus. Not a smart thing to do because of traffic. We were lucky that our flight was delayed. We might have missed it otherwise.

 Landing in Nevsehir:

We were on a budget so we didn’t rent a car in Cappadochia. Instead, we took the shuttle to our hotel, Cave Village Hotel, but I strongly suggest renting a car from the Nevsehir airport. There’s so much to see in Cappadochia. We were lucky because we befriended three Greek tourists who were staying at the same hotel. We spent our last day in Cappadochia with them driving around and seeing sites which we could have missed.

We reached the hotel and immediately booked our hot air balloon ride for the morning followed by a tour to a number of sites and caves, including the underground city.

My niece and I will never forget that experience. Floating high above Cappadochia is breathtaking. 

We spent an hour up in the air. Trying to land the hot air balloon, as we discovered later, is not an easy thing. There was an entire crew dedicated to each hot air balloon, following it from one strip of land to another, until it landed directly on the flat bed of a moving truck. Once the balloon was secured with robes, we got off and were greeted by popping champagne and achievement certificates to our names!

Back to the hotel. Breakfast was waiting for us. Turkish breakfast is a feast on its own. Abdi, the gentle sweet matron of the hotel with his aşkim prepared and served it to us al fresco. 




The Dancer

She flew into the dark city and suddenly the city became full of light. They were pale before her, the people with their empty looks and washed straw hair. She laughed loud when all they knew was to nod. She danced barefoot and danced with heels and drank wine from the bottle and stepped on a dead jelly fish and still laughed. They did not understand her.

He loved her. The tall man with the straw-washed hair and long legs and blank blue eyes. He loved her because he couldn’t help but love her. He loved her and did nothing else to help the love grow. When the love withered and died, she was no longer dancing. She was sitting in the corner of a straw hut, her hair turning white.

Her jet black curls turning white. And limp.

Mosque for Gay People: What Happened to the Rainbow Flag?

I do have a bone or two to pick with gay people.

Three bones, to be exact.

My friend A tells me about the opening of “Europe’s first gay-friendly mosque,” but I don’t believe him, until google confirms it, under the same title: ‘Europe’s first gay-friendly mosque’ sparks controversy.”

My jaw dropped. My eyes opened wider, and I was momentarily paralyzed with disbelief and shock.

Not because of the controversy. It is the act itself, the attempt to align homosexuality with Islam, the seemingly desperate need on the part of gay people to belong to religion, any religion, even Islam.


Why is religion so important, holding on to its dying mutilating (and mutilated) shreds so necessary, that without it, the one group of people who have presumably broken away from all rules and shackles associated with society are hitherto determined to elbow themselves into the midst of its archaic destructive prejudiced courts?


I feel so disappointed in all the gay men and women I have respected and supported for so long.

Why insist on tightening the yoke around your necks, gathering with your own hands the stones which your executioner will use to stone you alive, sharpening the stake which they will drive up your bodies, to set you up as effigies, a lesson to those who need to learn their lesson.

Islam and homosexuality do not mix.

To be a homosexual is not to be a Muslim.

Just like oil and vinegar (or is it oil and water): they just don’t mix.

What will my dear confused gay friends who belong to that mosque say when they come across the surahs which relish the punishment of Lot’s people, for no reason but because they were just like my dear 21st century confused gay men, well, gay?

Will they just skip them, without acknowledging them, or say that they were false verses? Will they say that the verses are false? Or that the punishment was the result of other sins? No my dear, because the verses clearly indicate that those men were punished because they “desired” other men.

Skipping, denying, or falsifying the verses in the Quran ensures an automatic denial of  Islam itself, because to be a Muslim is to believe in every word mentioned in the Quran, to accept the book in its totality, word by word, story after story, one worldly punishment after another.

The picture is ugly. It does not favor gay people.

The same thing with Christianity and Judaism.

Homosexuals, in the eyes of religion, are the plague of society and are to be dealt with as germs, diseased individuals who have to be shunned, ostracized, tortured, and killed.

Why go out of your ways to try to belong to a religion which will spit you out, regardless?

Is Jesus all that beautiful and merciful that you aspire to get his blessings and be saved by his blood?

Or is Mohammad the ultimate prophet of moderation and love that you are going out of your way to follow him?

Are you kidding me?

Create your own religion. Resurrect your own Jesus and embrace your own Mohammad. This is what you need. You have become a religion in your own right, a care free religion. Write your own rules. Inscribe them on tablets and hang them on rainbow flags. Ordain your own priests. Invent your own God.

The ones already circulating around do not harbor you any good.

And you are good.

 Better yet, turn that mosque to an art studio, a gay bar, or a “For Gay Lovers Only” Bed & Breakfast motel and hang the most vibrant breathtaking Rainbow flag on its door. Let it dance in the breeze and dance with it, beautiful people.

 Dance. Don’t preach.

P.S: I forgot to count. How many bones did I pick?

Domestic Violence and Honor Killings against Men Reach Unprecedented Heights in the Middle East


 A referendum to introduce a law which would oversee stricter tougher sentences for women who have killed their brothers and sons for bringing “shame” to their families has been rejected for the forth time in the People Democratic of Thulmestan.

Representative Habibulnas’ attempts to sway the General Council’s decision continue to fail and he has been accused of promoting vice and trying to obliterate the practice of Honor Killings. Habibulnas urged the shura council to consider increasing the punishment for women accused of killing their brothers and sons in the name of Honor. In a televised interview, Habibulnas reiterated his demands and vowed to “stand firm in the face of other representatives who have so far blocked the attempt to introduce tougher sentences for women who have killed their brothers and sons for bringing “shame” on their families.” He is urging the government to introduce a special tribunal to hear honor killing cases against men, but a parliamentary alliance has so far blocked all attempts to change any articles of the legal code, especially article 69, a “crime of passion” defense, which is commonly used and gives reduced sentences to women who claim they committed violence in the fury of the moment.

 Thousands of terrified men gathered in Sahat Al Mathloomeen, joined by Rights Groups who want to change laws amounting to legal impunity for women involved in honor killings, in support of the proposed referendum, after the body of 18 year old Haitham Elmustaq was found stabbed to death in a deserted field in an apparent Honor Killing crime resonant of the hundreds carried out on young men all over the country.

 “My friend was 18 when he was killed. All he did was befriend a girl online and meet her at a coffee shop. They did not have sex. They did not even kiss. But his sister would not believe him. She just killed him,” Kahldoun Zadi broke down in tears, holding a “Justice to Sameer” banner with his slain friend’s picture on it.

 “Something has to be done,” Marwan El Hamayra, from Sult in Jordan said in a phone interview from an undisclosed location. Marwan has been in hiding ever since his sister found out that he lost his virginity one night, when a woman attacked him in a side lane and forced him to have sex with her. “I was raped. I fought back, but she overpowered me. I ran away from home. I knew what was waiting for me there. I would be killed.”

 Marwan El Hamayra’s sister, who never stopped looking for him to wash the family’s shame, burst into his hiding place right after our phone conversation, and, aided by an angry aunt who held his arms down, slit his throat. The two women then walked proudly into the police station and turned themselves in. They were released after serving two months in a minimum security prison.

Dead Skin

Dead Skin

 I carried you around

Like stratum corneum

A layer of dead skin

Itching to be exfoliated


With cotton balls

Moistened with scented oils

 How my skin glowed

When they dropped you

In the waste basket

At the dermatologist office

And ran my credit card

To pay for the 30 minute facial

The time it took

Between lugging you around

And closing the lid

On you

A few blackheads

And some ingrown hairs

 My epidermis?

I was politely informed

You never got that deep.




Reporting Live from Heaven


This morning, when Archangel Gabriel went to God’s throne to receive the daily task list, God was not there.

This was the first time EVER that God had left his throne. And EVER in God’s time is a very very long time.

God had disappeared without leaving a note, directions, or orders.

No one up in heavens knew where God had gone.

There was a sense of loss, confusion, and fear among the angels.

And because Gabriel did not have God’s direct command to search for him, he did not.

Had he done so, he would have found God weeping in a cave on a mountain in Mecca, searching between the cobwebs and the rubble and all the dusty layers of centuries bygone for the actual message he had sent to earth.


You see, God did exist. He lived up there in the seventh heaven and had a throne surrounded by winged creatures who flew up and down between heavens and earth and every once in a while delivered an occasional message or two to those individuals God had chosen to call prophets. But then the messages got all mixed up, screwed up beyond repair, and there was a point where no one, not even God himself, could figure out what was going on.


So many things have gone wrong that for such a long time He had fought an urge to just finish off the human race, euthanize it, or may be just order a sweeping lobotomy operative to take place and eradicate all evil from earth.

 But he didn’t.

And now, there was a very pressing question on God’s mind as He sat in a corner in the cave pondering. He wanted to know when exactly, and how, did he say that if a man raped his five year old daughter, burnt her, tortured her some more, sodomized her, and killed her, he, the man, should not be prosecuted, charged, or killed; but, on the other hand, if an underage exploited abused maid is accused of causing the death of a child, who might or might not have suffocated on his own bottle, she should be beheaded?
Crime and Punishment? All in the eyes of the believers.

And what bothered God as he sat in that desolate corner is the wording. He is so good with words. Infallible. Which words could he possibly have used to convey that erroneous message?

In which surah did he add those dictates? Which verse?

Try as he could, he could not remember.

 “What did I do wrong?” God was weeping, pulling his hair, banging his head against the rocks. Bleeding.

He no longer believed in Himself.


And then He became quiet. He sat in the cave and decided never to leave. He was afraid. He knew what would happen if he stepped outside. The bearded mobs in the mosques below would accuse him of apostasy and behead him.

He knew. He created them.

Give the Mouse a Cookie

Give the mouse a cookie, she’ll ask for a glass of milk.

 There’s no typo here. It’s a she.

This Dubai Lama has been doing some thinking on the part of Muslim men, in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Indonesia, and beyond. Yes, beautiful Indonesia suffering under the eyesore of women straddling bikes! Not enough that a tsunami hit the sunny coasts of Aceh, now women (those rambunctious ignorant creatures), are stubbornly and shamelessly flaunting their rear behinds straddling motorbikes all over the island.

 No wonder a tsunami had to hit. Allah’s wrath against bike-straddling women can be endless. It sweeps everyone in between, the bike, the bikers, and the sunbathing tourist.

 Warning to potential tourists: Before you head to the shores of Aceh, make sure that women there have adhered to the No-Bike-Straddling Law. Severe punishment from Almighty awaits those who disregard the warning.

 Better yet, all of you restless, righteous Aceh, Afghani, Pakistani, Saudi male souls, who have been plagued by the sight of women (astaghferollah), get rid of them. Nip the problem in the bud. Just finish them off.

 Let me help you here.

 The biggest mistake Mohammad did was abolishing the killing of infant girls. Rectify that and call far a sweeping femicide to rid the world of women. Otherwise, the list of rights those inferior creatures are demanding has no end.

 First, secure in the fact that they wouldn’t be killed in the swaddle, muslim girls demanded to go to school. Then they started to have opinions and insisted on being heard (disregarding the fact that their voices are haram). Then they wanted to be a part of the shura, demanded seats in the Parliament, some became queens, leaders, drove cars, wore pants.

 Did I say drove cars?

 King Abudllah of Saudi Arabia: Are you out of your mind? Have you stopped taking your medication or what?

 Muslim men, make it easy for yourselves, because the world was created for you and you alone.

 Instead of demanding that women wear the veil, show only one eye (if at all), stay home, just get rid of them, annihilate them, finish them off.

They’ve been such a burden and lately I’m beginning to think that some of you, muftis, mullahs, nose-pickers, toe-scratchers, are losing sleep, pondering on the future of the world with so many women in it.

 For sex, you’ll have each other. Not that you haven’t done that already.

And you have your goats. Majority of you wouldn’t even know the difference between a woman and a goat.

As far as reproduction is concerned, well, your offspring will look just like you. Goats do have beards, mind you.

 A match made in heaven.