Reporting Live from Heaven


This morning, when Archangel Gabriel went to God’s throne to receive the daily task list, God was not there.

This was the first time EVER that God had left his throne. And EVER in God’s time is a very very long time.

God had disappeared without leaving a note, directions, or orders.

No one up in heavens knew where God had gone.

There was a sense of loss, confusion, and fear among the angels.

And because Gabriel did not have God’s direct command to search for him, he did not.

Had he done so, he would have found God weeping in a cave on a mountain in Mecca, searching between the cobwebs and the rubble and all the dusty layers of centuries bygone for the actual message he had sent to earth.


You see, God did exist. He lived up there in the seventh heaven and had a throne surrounded by winged creatures who flew up and down between heavens and earth and every once in a while delivered an occasional message or two to those individuals God had chosen to call prophets. But then the messages got all mixed up, screwed up beyond repair, and there was a point where no one, not even God himself, could figure out what was going on.


So many things have gone wrong that for such a long time He had fought an urge to just finish off the human race, euthanize it, or may be just order a sweeping lobotomy operative to take place and eradicate all evil from earth.

 But he didn’t.

And now, there was a very pressing question on God’s mind as He sat in a corner in the cave pondering. He wanted to know when exactly, and how, did he say that if a man raped his five year old daughter, burnt her, tortured her some more, sodomized her, and killed her, he, the man, should not be prosecuted, charged, or killed; but, on the other hand, if an underage exploited abused maid is accused of causing the death of a child, who might or might not have suffocated on his own bottle, she should be beheaded?
Crime and Punishment? All in the eyes of the believers.

And what bothered God as he sat in that desolate corner is the wording. He is so good with words. Infallible. Which words could he possibly have used to convey that erroneous message?

In which surah did he add those dictates? Which verse?

Try as he could, he could not remember.

 “What did I do wrong?” God was weeping, pulling his hair, banging his head against the rocks. Bleeding.

He no longer believed in Himself.


And then He became quiet. He sat in the cave and decided never to leave. He was afraid. He knew what would happen if he stepped outside. The bearded mobs in the mosques below would accuse him of apostasy and behead him.

He knew. He created them.


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